News Digest: Dean Cometh (and Goeth), Chunky Dog Breaks Keyboard
The following is a compendium of happenings in the lives of The Reverend and Chunky Dog over the past few months. Tally ho.
•The infamous Dean got back in touch with Bunny. They resumed communication, and one night after an hours-long Instant-Messenger-based conversation in which Bunny found himself falling for Dean once again, Dean told Bunny he was seeing someone else.
•No matter, because another bodaciously hot/cool guy Bunny had a thing for got back in touch with Bunny as well. Eat that shit.
•The song “Anyday” by Derek and the Dominoes is now no longer required to be skipped over when it pops up on Bunny’s iPod, as the association it has with Bunny’s ex-boyfriend has been reduced to tolerable levels. It’s about time.
•Bunny was named May Employee of the Month and Sales Support Staff Of The Year at work. It garnered him a total of $150 and his own parking space at the corporate headquarters. However, he neither works at the corporate headquarters nor even has a car, so the company president used it instead.
•Chunky Dog purchased a German solidbody electric ukulele. Through an overdrive pedal and an envelope follower it sounds like Gene Simmons had unholy butt coitus with a mechanical bull painted with the blood of the infidels.
•Bunny is in a Rod Stewart tribute band. The week after they tore the roof off the Twin River casino in Lincoln, RI, said casino went bankrupt to the tune of nearly $1 billion.
•Bunny blew the opportunity to have a three-way with a half-Chinese half-Basque Allston chick who builds effects pedals for a living and another broad who loves it in the butt-piece. Further explanation upon request.
•Chunky Dog was carrying Emily, Bunny’s large, heavy and expensive Yamaha S-90 ES keyboard, into the venue for a gig the other night. The strap on the gig bag broke and the board hit the ground, popping several keys out of the keybed. Upon seeing this, Bunny promptly went ballistic, as he thought he was looking at several hundred dollars’ worth of repair. However, he was able to pop the problem keys back in…all but one. So instead of wanting to kill Chunky Dog, he merely wants to pee on his things.
•Every time Bunny goes to use the bathroom in the morning, one of the retarded bougie roommates— usually the chick— is in there preening for like half an hour. I got shit to do, woman. I may not be paying stupid money to go to Emerson in order to take classes on how to be creative in order to fast track my atrociously mediocre career in advertising and cement my place in the horrid, scarred landscape of modern suburbia and contribute to the gaudy and undignified death of American culture, but unlike you, I have a damn job and need to brush my damn teeth and take a doody dump and get to work before the damn delivery truck gets there. Get the fuck out of the bathroom, this isn’t the fuckin day spa with the fuckin cucumbers and shit. No amount of makeup will change the fact that you have a fat ass and no talent.
September 4, 2009 at 9:11 am
a few things:
-use the uke in as many of your songs as can stand it
-rott stoot sux
-was the chick who builds effects pedals cute or butch
-moses